Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
