Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
