Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
