look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
