A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
