i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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