also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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