somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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