i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
