We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
