Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
