I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
