In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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