i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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