are you still at the devil's house?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
