So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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