So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
