Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
