I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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