Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
