i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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