I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You are a genius and a whore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
