i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
