She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
