Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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