so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
