i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
vagina is talking i cant
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
