you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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