i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The best revenge is premature balding
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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