P.S. I can't hear my feet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying