apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.