kristin has been a bad kristin
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?