she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.