I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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