I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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