i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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