I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
