No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
