Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
false alarm, still single
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
