I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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