i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
