Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
