I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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