we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
