"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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