I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
