I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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