Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
