my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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