sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
