PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The air was thick with penises
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
