I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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