she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
