While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
