but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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