You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
