I could have mohawked her pubes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
