Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
