Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need water and some morals
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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