I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
