i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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