how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize