Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
