I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
