Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
